Living with the akatsuki
by AkatsukiLivesForever
Summary: When Rosie, Dave, and Lily trip upon a mysterious blue light, they land in the Naruto world. It's overused but good. Hidan and Rosie use grown up words ALOT!
1. Chapter 1

**Living with the akatsuki **

deidaraichimaru: YEA MUTHHAFUCKASS my first fanfic!

Hidan: *sarcastically* break out the fucking beer.

**deidaraichimaru:*gets Ak47* say it bitch!**

Hidan: deidaraichimaru doesn't own naruto. Don't fucking flame him this is his first fanfic. You happy now cocksuker?

**deidaraichimaru:*shoots hidan* Very happy.**

Chapter 1. What the hell?

Dave

It's not easy have 2 girls as your best friends. They drag you into alot crazy shit. My name is Dave. Let's keep this simple. I'm a skinny white guy with blonde hair. My best friends are Rosie and Lila. We all lived in the same neighborhood. Then one day our parents left us. Fucked up right? Me,Rosie and, Lila decided to move into my house after our parents left us. Now at 15 years old, we are preparing to watch a movie! "Bitch! Get in here!" Rosie screamed at Lila, who was making popcorn."Wait. The butter isn't perfect." Lila replied. Lila is the evil one believe it or not. She dosent act innocent or anything she can just be evil. Rosie is the... Crazy violent, stalker, horny, one night stand, annoying chick. Lila walked in with a bucket of popcorn. "Hey where's ours?" I asked. "I'm not your slave. Get it yourself." Lila replied sitting on the couch. Me and Rosie walked into the kitchen and saw a strange green light. "Whoa! Where did you get that?" Rosie asked. "I didn't." I said. Lila came into the kitchen and gasped. "What the hell?" she said. "What. The. Fuck. Did. You. Do?" I asked Lila. "Me? Bitch this is your house!" Lila replied. "Whatever it is, I'm not touching it.' Rosie said. I grabbed Rosie's hand and said, "We'll do it on three and Lila will follow." "Okay" they said. "1,2,..3!" Then I felt Rosie push me into that green ball. I felt like spaghetti and then I hit hard rock. Did I mention Rosie was violent? I saw a man with piercings standing above me. "Now who are you? And why the HELL ARE YOU IN MY HIDEOUT!?" I shitted my pants."um.. I landed here?". Squeaked. My brain was saying run away bitch run! I heard a voice say"He landed here? Can I I blow him up uhn? "No! Now leave before I shove that clay up your ass and make you blow it all up. Then I'll have your hands lick your blown up ass!" the piercing guy said. I thought to myself shit,shit,shit,shittteee! What the fuck did these girls get me into? " I asked you a question. You answer me. Who are you?" the piercing guy said. I knew tae Kwon do but I didn't think that would do any good now. "My name is Dave. I was at home but then I was pushed into this blue orb." I explained. "Where are you from?" he asked. "Chicago" "Dont lie. Where are you from?" he said, less nice. I was about to say I'm not lying, when man who was.. Blue? Came out of nowhere and shouted "Why are there 2 girls in my bed that weren't here last night?"

Hope u likeeee:) I'm doing this from my iPad so it might be bad.


	2. Chapter 2

Paste your document here...

Living with the Akatsuki

Chapter 2 It gets A/N Lila is a light skinned girl with brown hair. She has green eyes and has medium sized boobs. Rosie is a light skinned curvy girl with BIG boobs nice boobs and blue eyes. Yo know what Dave looks like. I'm so sorry people, but I changed it kisame did NOT wake up with 2 girls in his bed. Tobi woke up with Rosie and Lila with zetsu.

Sasori:Deidaraichimaru doesn't own naruto

Deidaraichimaru: if I did you would be alive!

P.s. Rosie is is based on three people,Dessie from survival guide for the criminally insane Akatsuki, and my 2 friends. Love u Sydney and Kayla!

Rosie

Ohhhh fuck. I woke up in a masked man's bed. "Holyfuckingshit!" I said, punching the man in the face. Damn how drunk did I get to fuck a random dude. The man said "Ow! Tobi is a good boy! Who is the mean pretty girl?" I screamed and kicked him in the..mm.. Nonos(dick). I ran out of the room and looked around the hallway. 'Where am I?' I thought. Then some blue bitch came up to me. Is this a dream? Am I high. Then I felt a rough hand on my neck and picked me up. He deposited me next to this chick(not as hot as me) who was blonde and.."Davee!" I kissed him. "Sorry but um... Who the fuck are these shitheads?" he asked, wiping his lips. "Fuck me if I know." I said. "I'll take you up on that offer." a silver haired shirtless blood cover man walked over to me."Wanna get started?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. "Yea" I pulled him closer... I punched him hard as hell in the mouth. "Ahhhhh! You shitty motherfucker!" he screamed. "Let me go you fucking plant bitch!" a familiar voice said. The... Plantman blushed and said "Leader-San, I found this girl in uhh..." he trailed off. "Rosie? Do you know who the hell these people are?" Lila asked? I got very mad. "How the fuck am I supposed to know! I just woke up in this masked pedo's room!" I shouted. Everybody went quite, then one by one all the shitheads laughed. "Bitch you woke up in Tobi's room!?" asked Hidan. "Did you and Tobi play 'house'!" Deidara said. "Shut the fuck up you blonde Bitch!" I screamed.(I didnt realize he was a boy!) "That's worst then that brown haired girl waking up on my dick." Zetsu said without realizing excatly WHAT he said. Everybody made a O.o face. "So, how big was it?" Deidara teased. Two bad things happened to Deidara. 1. Nobody knew he was joking and I muttered "Faggot". 2. 2 as he rounded on me, Zetsu decided to see how his arm tasted. "You son of a bitch!" He screamed. He pulled out some clay and chased Zetsu around the hideout. " Now we are going to vote on what to do with these girls!" Leader said, ignoring the idiots. "Hey! I'm a dude!" Dave said. "Next person to interrupt will have Hidan make them immortal, then I will scalp, flay, burn, stretch ,drown, and destroy you. Needless to say, we shut the fuck up. Konan came up to Leader and whispered in his ear. "Attention!"Leader shouted, "We decided to keep you because we don't trust you in the afterlife and we don't trust letting you go! I heard that you were from another dimension, according to the info from konan. This is not important, as we don't trust you ANYWHERE."

TIME SKIP THREE WEEKS :p

I was sitting in the Akatsuki living room watching Wheel of Shinobi.(It seemed Familar) I was fucking exaughsted! Let's recap. I went to capture the nine tails with Deidara. We were in the middle of dropping bombs when Deidara thought it was a good time to spin the giant clay bird we were on, no FLYING on. Well needless to say we walked home. Deidara slouched from that many kicks in the balls from me. "Hey! Wanna play some Texas hold em'?" Kakuzu said. "Jesus Man!"(Guess where thats from?!) I'm not losing any more money. I'm broke and I taught you that game!" I said. "Pussies" Kakuzu said, Taking a page from Hidans book. "Hey!" We heard a voice from the loudspeaker. (we got a loudspeaker?) "We are taking a vacation to ShinobiWorld!" Leader said. "We are going for 3 days so don't screw this up." Everybody was talking all at once. "A trip on the third Chapter?! How daring!" Deidara said, breaking the forth wall. I punched him LIGHTLY on the shoulder. The most talk I heard about was the pre trip party. We all get drunk! At the nighttime Kisame broke out the sake. Hidan and Deidara were the first to get drunk. "Hey hot bitch" Hidan said, "Wanna have some fun?" Hidan slurred. "No, I want Lila(I was drunk too)" and with that, Deidara laid in my lap. I pushed him off. "Hey shitttcc head get the fucc of of me." I slurred. Tobi popped up! "Tobi is a drunk boy!" he said. "Quick get me the anti tobi spray!" I screamed! "Shit I can't- Found it!" Hidan threw it to me. I squirted it. "MY EYE! MY BODY! HORRIBLE PONIES AND RAINBOWS!" Tobi screamed. At that point I blacked out.


	3. Chapter 3

Living with the Akatsuki

Chapter 3 the trip

Omfg plz don't Stop reading this chapter will be longer

Itachi:Deidaraichimaru dosent own naruto

Deidaraichimaru:I own u HAHAHAHAHA

Itachi:*Sharingans Deidaraichimaru's ass* Hn.

No flames. If so u no Wat... Fuck you assmunching bitch. U no how hard it is to pass autocorrect, making it long and everyother fucking hard thing involving typing on the iPad I try To update daily

Chapter 3. The Trip

Lila

We took the plane to Shinobiworld. We almost didn't get past security because of Deidara. Speaking of Deidara, I have a purrrfect picture of him for blackmail kissing hidan while drunk. Blackmailing two dumbasses with one picture. Anyway we were going to leave Deidara but Leader 'Convinced' the security guy to let us past. When we got on the plane, Itachi put in his Sharingan headphones in. A/N (u want itachis playlist? Just ask)I have to admit, Itachi is badass. Tobi started yelling " Tobi loves planes! Tobi loves planes!" and Deidara attempted to kill him. I on the other hand went to catch some zzs and sat next to Itachi. However I couldn't get any sleep due to Deidara making all that racket, so I told him to shut the fuck up and that turned his attention toward me. "What did you say bitch, uhn?" Deidara said, rounding on me. "Hey blondie, shut up so I can sleep." I said . Deidara shoved some clay in my face and was about to say 'Katsu!' when the stewardess said "You need to sit down ma'am." After restraining Deidara, everyone sat down. The flight was uneventful except the fact that Kisame tried to kill Zetsu because as Kisame fell asleep, Zetsu sampled sushi. Also Tobi tried to climb in Itachi's lap and he got his ass sharinganed.(is that how you spell it?) When we got there, we were greeted by a man in a shirt that had shuriken on it. Kakuzu and I "bargained'' and got our rooms free. "Now, you listen up." Leader said, holding up his hands for them to shut up. " I will tell you your order of sharing rooms. First person to complain will have their hands cut off and shoved up their own ass." "Which will be very weird for Deidara." Kisame muttered. Deidara was flushed with anger. "Fish Stick I'm gonna blow your ass up and then-" Deidara didn't get to finish because Leader let off some Killing intent. "Deidara and Lila, Hidan and Rosie, Kisame and Dave, Itachi and Tobi(Kukukuk!) Zetsu and Kakuzu, Me and Konan." Leader recited. Hidan and Rosie screamed"OH HELL NO!" *Ommited because of very violent beatings from leader* Needless to say, Rosie and Hidan won't be complaining. Ever. Anyway we got settled into our rooms. Deidara changed his shirt(into a tshirt) and I have to admit I was staring at his chest, which was very muscular. "My eyes are up here bitch." he said, smirking. I kicked him in the shin and left the room. We met outside in the lobby. Hidan was covered in blood because 'he had to fucking please jashin!' "Ok so you can go and do whatever the fuck you like. KINDA. No killing, terrorizing, eating, sharinganing, tentacle raping, sacrificing, scaring, cutting, pissing off, dismembering, pestering, raping, blowing up, killing for money, hugging, or getting us kicked out of this damn place." said Konan. "What the fuck? We don't get to do anything you bitch!" Hidan said. Rosie took this time to do us a favor and drop kick Hidan. All the rest of us nodded. Then we headed off. I started towards a food stand, not wanting to go on any rides, but Deidara grabbed me. "Damn you blondie!" I shouted as he took me towards the shuriken. The shuriken is a nice spin ride. For about 8 seconds. Then you basically spin fast as fuck. Then you start moving around. Up and down. "Deidara you assfuck!" I said, as we got on the ride. We got in the same cart( it was a cage like thing). The ride looks like a shuriken with cages on the points. As we spun around and around and Deidara laughed like a friggin maniac, his hand landed somewhere. On my boobs. I felt nothing at first. Then instinct kicked in. I beat his scrawny blonde ass. As we got off the ride, Deidara limped, I said to the ticket man "We loved the ride!" Then we walked to sit down. At first Deidara was uncharacteristically silent. Then he suddenly jumped up and screamed "You bitch!" He took out some clay and started to form it. I started to panic. " Me? You violated me! Cut me some slack." "You punched me 6 times in the face, kicked me in the nuts, and smashed my recently retrieved arm into metal. Screw you bitch!" Just as he threw the now formed clay bird at me, a flash of orange pushed Deidara and his bird back. "Do you even listen?" leader said. "It was her fault!" Deidara cried. Leader towered over Deidara. Deidara backed down. I stuck my tounge but leader saw me. "Do it again and you will find the lack of a tounge." Then he dissapeared. " Damn fucking ninja." I said. "Okay so what do you want to do?" Deidara asked, looking slightly pissed. "Uh maybe we could hit the pool?" I suggested. "Hell no! I don't want to have to change again. Besides, you just wanna feel me up in the pool." Deidara said with a wink. I grew red with anger and embarrassment. "Anyway I have a surprise I want to take you to." I sighed. "Alright, but if it's like this I'm going to beat your ass to death." I said. Half way to the place, me and Deidara bumped into a pale, obviously drunk man. "Watch where your going Ass- Deidara?" The man said. The man was dressed in a white coat with a weird purple belt. He had on black pants and wore purple eyeliner. My first thought was 'Pedophile' but I replaced with 'rapist'. "What the hell Orochimaru!" Deidara said. "Yeah bitch I got my own crew! Theys is in the room but I got a Teeeny weeny bit of sake." Then he laughed. Deidara stared. Then he punched Orochimaru and knocked him out. As we walked away I asked "Who the hell was that?" "Orochimaru. He's some child molester who kidnapped Itachis little brother and has a snake fetish." Deidara answered. "How do you know him?" I asked. "He was In the Akatsuki." "Oh" Then Deidara stopped me. I looked at the sign. 'the eagle' it read. Deidara again dragged me up the line, this time covering my mouth but he made it look like he was hugging me. I thought he was going to kill me when he didnt let go, but he let me breathe though his fingers. When we got to the car and he strapped me in I said 1 thing. "What. The. Hell." Deidara smirked and shrugged. "You're some kind of sick bastard." I said. He laughed at this. "What!? Its not like your scared!" I fumed. "But still! What the hell!" We started to go up. I mean I DO like these rides but what if it's a ninja ride where you have to stick chakra on the floor to hold on. 'Fuckdamnitfuckdamnitfuckdamn itfuckdamnit!' I thought. We went up so high, we were almost as tall as the death drop ride. I could basically see our room from up here. Then we plummeted. I grabbed on to Deidara. "AHGHH! Get the fuck off me!" he screamed. Then I was inches from his face. Something was about to spark, right here on the coaster, and then there was a screeching. Apparently there was always an eagle noise on the ride but we didn't know it. We both shrieked. Deidara's voice suprisingly went up several octaves. I was tempted to laugh but then we screeched to a halt. To make a long story short, we went back the room and said nothing. We said nothing but I was secretly thinking 'Deidara is fucking hot!'

A/N OMG IM SO SOORRY I LOST MY IPAD AND MY MAC SHUT DOWN! Really sorry. I'm going to start putting the all the pov's in 1 chapter. Don't worry about less chapters because I'll get ideas from life when all else fails. I luuuuuuuuvvvv u fans. Ps this will not be a Lila - dei fanfic. Let's just say they do get together but a harem could be possible. Review plz...


	4. Chapter 4 Drops and Cocks?

A/N Herro! It's me again. I might start updating more than once a day. 2 P.o.v's will be featured. Only 2 because I had Lila last chapter. Oh yeah another thing. I'm not going to say the disclaimer every fucking time. I'm just fucking not.

Naruto:For the last time! He doesn't own naruto. CHA!

Me: Erm... OOC. Let's just start!

Chapter 5 Drops and ...cocks?

Rosie

Fuck my fucking life. Fuck it to hell. Fuck fucking jashin. Fuck fucking dickwad leader. SHITHEADS! Why would they place me with him. Mr. Bastard himself. Grr. This is not happening. Much less I have to spend 3 days with him. That shit is for the birds. While he took a shower and cleaned up, I went in my room and locked myself in. This is bull. I fuumbled around in my bag. Then I felt it, my iPod. I couldn't believe my fucking luck. I turned it on and stuck my earbuds in. I turned on headlines by drake. I sang along for awhile. Then I heard a crash. "Oi! Bitch! Did you take my rosary?" Hidan said, Breaking down my fucking wall! I looked down. Hidan was naked. I stared. Then I fainted. When I came to I jumped up. "HIDAN! WHAT THE HELL!" He ran out of his room. "What the hell did I do?" He asked. "THE FUCKING DOOR!" "oooooooooo! I thought you were referring to the other thing." "That never happened!" I said. Then I looked at him and realized he was covered in blood. "Now lets just see. You just took a shower and leader said no sacrificing. Now your covered in blood. Did common sense come your way? Whoops, I guess not!" I said. "Just shut it." he said. We left the room. "Where to?" he asked. Wow. Hidan followed the ladies first rule. "ummm. That big elevator thing." I pointed to a elevator that dropped and opened the door. We walked over to the drop. It wasn't much of a line, so we advanced quickly in the line. The elevator was uncomprehendingly high. There was a little shitty haunted house which consisted of some creepy ninja And genjustu. I wasn't scared of shit like this and bypassed it but Hidan looked a little creeped out. When we FINALLY got to the damn elevator, I strapped my self in.(the bars were similar to the bars on the superman ride at six flags) Hidan was unusually quiet so I said "Scared of heights, Jashin-Pussy?" Hidan fumed. "Shut the Hell up you little bitch!" He said. The 6 people on with us turned our way. "No, I'm not you little asshoo-" He started, but the elevator started falling fast as hell. Hidan was screaming like a little girl! At least I have an excuse, I'm a girl! The ride felt you are free falling from a mountain. My stomach was probably still up above me but I loved it. When we lurched to a stop and left the ride, Hidan looked green. "Fuuuuuuuuck!" he said. I nudged him."Feeling green?" I said, feeling better than ever. He hit me. "Oh bitch I gotta use the bathroom!" I chuckled as he ran into the restroom. I thought about dragging Hidan to the most vicious rides.'Hell yea bitch!' I thought. 'He WILL suffer from this morning.' That's when I really got pissed. Why? Oh just because Hidan came out covered in blood! I grabbed Hidan by the ear. "Ow. Ow! What the hell bitch?" he said. I tried to keep my cool. " Now once again, why the hell are you covered in blood?" "Uh, I NEEDED to sacrifice." he said, lamely. I gave up. "Whatever. If you want to get your ass kicked by leader, fine by me." I said. "Listen bitch. I want to go to that part of the park with the ice cream and stuff." he said. "What? You like ice cream?" "Everyone does." We started towards the ice cream shop. Most people gave Hidan stares and he flipped them all off. "Hey Hidan" I said. "What?" "You scream like a girl." "Shut. Up." I giggled. It was fun fucking with Hidan. I decided to exact my revenge on Hidan AFTER the vacation. When we got to the ice cream shop, the man stared at Hidan. "Hello sir. Would you like to try our blood red cherry flavor?" the man said. I giggled. Hidan gave me a look. "No I want the rocky road." Hidan said. "Coming right up." The man gave the ice cream to Hidan. "Don't forget to stop at the blood bank." the man said as we left."Dick." Hidan said, under his breath. "Hey, do you have corn dogs here?" I asked Hidan. "Of course, stupid bitch." "Buy me one." He flipped me off but lead me to the corn dogs. Once he bought me one and gave it to me, I decided to have some fun. When I knew he was looking, I shoved the corn dog into my mouth and sucked it suggestively. Then I licked the tip and held it to my chest. "Mmmm. Delish." I moaned. Hidan twitched. He dashed to the bathroom again. I cracked up. He is such a horny idiot.

XxX

Dave

I didn't even know kisame. I didn't know the blue man. I thought he was going to eat me. I decided to avoid my becoming a sandwhich I would get to know him. We chatted and we are more alike than we knew. We. both like pranks, pussy, and killing. And we both think Itachi needs to lighten the fuck up. "Then she said its so big. Then I said that's what she said!" Kisame said, finishing his story. "Hahahah." I said. "Wait Kisame, let's pull some pranks." Kisame slowly grinned. "Genius!" We spent 3 hours devising plans, which meant we had 1 hour until we had to meet with Leader. We walked up to the washroom. I pretended I was relaxing from throwing up while Kisame switched the bathroom signs. Both of us watched the chaos insue. Needless to say all the boys got their ass kicked. Then we moved on to plan 'cup the breasts'. We walked up to the stupidest girl we saw(No sexism intended. Seriously. And no offense to anyone. Don't worry the boys will get theirs) And we said we had to cup their breasts for a survey of bustiest women. We both copped a feel an scramed! Then I pretended to have a heart attack and Kisame replaced the ice cream from the ice cream cart with tooth paste. Me and Kisame really bonded. When we met up with everyone at dinner, leader announced that EVERYONE will be attending the waterpark tomorrow. Me and Kisame set a sly grin on our faces.

A/N: ORAGAMIBLUEANGEL I DEDICATE THIS CHAPPY TO YOU. Thank you for the support I really appreciate it. I'm actually going to make another fanfic an action one. That doesn't mean this one will get less attention but my new one will get less updates than this one. ORAGAMIBLUEANGEL NO ACCIDENTS!


	5. Chapter 5 Boners and Sexy Wednesday

Warning! This chapter contains sexually explicit content. Probably the last chapter with this. Not sex but many mentions of it and sexual

examples. So bring the little kids in and read this out loud! Also feedback would be nice. SRRY GUYSSSSSSSS! Got caught up in the school shit and I got skyrim. Also my friend moved T.T! IM SORRY I CNAT UPDATE FASTA!

Boners and Sexy Wednesday

"Talks"

'_Thoughts'_

Lila

Heya peoples! I know you missed me, but I didn't miss you. Where we left off me and Deidara were in the room together. Specifically he was on my lap and I was just waking up. He had his head somewhere were it wasn't supposed to be. I pushed him off but I didn't succeed. Instead he only flipped over to make the situation worse. I heaved him up and he finally got off. He had a bulge in his pants. I gathered all my pissed off rage and punched the shit out of him. Then I skipped to the bathroom and said "Morning Dei-Dei! I get the shower first!" After I finished my shower, making sure to use up all the warm water, I skipped out wearing my bathing suit and found Deidara wearing his trunks. I put a look of disgust on my face. "You're not taking a shower?" I asked. He gave me a blank look. "You used up all the hot water bitch, Uhn." I rolled my eyes. "I don't wanna walk all the way to the water park area." Deidara gave me a malicious grin. Fast as ever, he slung me over his shoulder and ran out of the room.

Have you ever had Deidara sling you on his shoulder and dash. Luck ass. You never want to do it. All you see are the blonde bitch's head and flashing colors. This lasted for about 3 minutes until he let me down. I would punch him but I was too dizzy. "I'll get you back you-" I groaned. Deidara put on that shit-eating grin. "I got you there didn't I, Uhn. Sure enough, I saw the big waterpark with all the slides and people in the waterpark. I heard people laughing and I saw Dave and Kisame. Joking around and laughing like they were best friends. I glared at him. "You seem to be getting along with _your _partner." Dave just shrugged. "We have a lot in common." "Yea and at least he talks." Kisame put in. Speaking of Itachi, guess who just came running gracefully to us, with Tobi on his heels. "WAIT ITACHI-SEMPAI!" Tobi ran after Itachi, but then turned to me. "Wanna play with me?!" Tobi asked. He couldn't sound more like a pedophile. "Turn the fucking volume down Tobi." I said. "But Tobi gets so excited when he's around a pool with kids in it!" He said. I take my last statement back. **Now** he couldn't have sounded more like a pedophile. Tobi started skipping around. "YAYAYAYA-" He suddenly crumpled to the ground. Rosie stood behind him, foot stretched up. "HELL YA!" She said.

************************************************************************************(OOPS)

"God." "Jashin" "God" "Jashin." "God." "Jashin" "God." "Jashin." "God." "SHUT UP!" I snapped. We had all painfully had been waiting for Kakuzu and Zetsu as Hidan and Dessie argued if God or Jashin was better. "Where is Kakuzu? If that bastard doesn't come, he won't get his money." Said Leader, also in his orange swimming trunks. As if magic Kakuzu and Zetsu appeared out of nowhere. After some complicated decisions, Leader decided that everyone will stay with their partner, no one looked very unhappy about this save Hidan, Rosie, and, Itachi. Itachi instantly dissipated and I though I heard "Try and catch me now bitch." Tobi ran off towards the pool. Deidara pulled me to the lazy river. "I'm sick of being dragged around." I said, irritated. "Then take charge, Uhn." I was about to hit him, but noticed clay in his trunk back pockets and I slacked. "That's what I thought." He said, triumphantly. "Why do you want to go to the lazy river anyway?" I asked. "It's relaxing, Uhn." Before I could ask anything else, he grabbed me and pulled me into a single tube with him. I turned violet. "What are you doing?" This time he looked mad. "Nothing, just trust me, isn't this relaxing?" He put his arms around me. For some reason this gave me a sense of peace. Soon my head was on his shoulder, his arms around me.(Okay I guess I lied, this might be LilyXDei LOLOL XD) Then he said "Did you know that it's sexual Wednesday?" and he humped me. I knew I couldn't trust that bitch.

Rosie

I really didn't feel like fighting with Hidan today. Maybe I was sick today. That is why I let him drag me to the big waterslide. I probably should have foreshadowed but of course I was too dumb. He dragged me to the waterslide with the most twists and turns you've ever seen. I made my puppy dog eyes at Hidan. "Please Mr. Hidan?" I said in a small voice. He looked as he was going to fall for it, then jerked away. "HAHAA! You thought that shit was gonna work for me? I'm an S-rank criminal!" He said. They tolerated us but sometimes we forgot they were S-ranked Criminals. He dragged me up to the top of the waterslide. "First date? I've been there." The ninja at the top said, as he saw me mouthing S.O.S.

The drop was probably the height of the Empire State Building. The worst part was, Hidan's... crotch area was pressed against my butt. I felt something rise behind me. "CREEP!" I shouted and punched him in the balls. Hidan's legs clutched against my head as he passed out. Unfortunatly, that made us trapped in this waterslide, since his fatass was dragging us behind. "WAKE UP!" I shouted. Hidan jumped up. ….Which sent us flying _Headfirst_ down the slide. "Bit-AHHH!" was all he could say as we plumeted into a **20 FREAKING FEET DEEP POOL**. It was like being crushed under a sheet of water. I pushed fast towards the surface as I felt my lungs dying.

30 mins later

"Leader.. um is that a tropical t-shirt?" Kisame asked as Hidan and I entered the hotel room. "BWAHAHAAHA!*Cough* Leader what in the*Cough* Holy God's *Choke*name are you wearing?" I asked. Leader turned red. "I have to blend in idiots. And shut the hell up before I stab you repeadedly, feed you to my dogs, blow you up, and send your remains to your parents." I shut the hell up. "Why is Hidan waddling and why are you both coughing so much?" Leader asked. "Well this one," Hidan pointed to me. "Decided to kick me*Cough* in the balls on the waterslide, and we*Cough* fell into the pool headfirst. Everyone was silent. "LET'S GET IT ON!" Dave started singing. "AWW, HELL NO!" I said chasing after him. "OH SHIT!" He screamed.

Lily

Well I might as well finish this bitch of a chapter off. We returned to the hideout and "Bought" some extra beds. Everyone was glad about this. Everything was normal until.*BOOOM* Deidara stood in front of a giant hole in the wall, manic look in his eyes. "Deidara, what happened?" I asked, worried.

END(READ THE A/N)

A/N: YOU GUYS ARE TOO GOOD FOR CLIFFHANGERS

"BITCH STOLE MAH POP-TARTS!" Deidara said. Everyone beat the shit out of him.

A/N: I'm sorry guys. I'll try to update faster but So MUCH SKOOL WORK AND SO MUCH GROUNDING!


	6. Chapter 6: Storyline and Drunk Parties!

**A/N: Hey guys. This will be a chapter will contain the main storyline. Soory fore the l8te update. Ill really try to update mre.**

**Chapter 6 A new challenger, Separation, And Parties**

Lily

I was just minding my own business when the chaos started. I was just watching T.V(Yes the akatsuki

has a T.V) when the doorbell rang. DING DONG!

"We have a doorbell?" Leader said, puzzled.

"Yes, that idiot bought it." Kakuzu said.

"Who, Deidara or Tobi?" Kisame said, smile toying at his face.

"Hey! I'm right here California roll!" Deidara exclaimed.

"What did you say tranny?" Kisame said, pulling out samehada.

"HEY!" Leader said. "Someone answer the damn door."

I slowly walked towards the door. When I opened it I got a surprise. It was a tall man with a black cloak (Similar to the akatsuki's), a blue claw glove on his arm, a gun strapped to his waist and a sword on his back. He had silver hair with a green streak and scars on his neck. (Look up Nero from Devil May Cry).

"Hello! My name is Nero." He said.

"Nero? That sound like a name that the author just stole!" Deidara said, running his mouth.

"Talk about serious diarrhea of the mouth." I mumbled.

"Why are you here?" Leader asked.

"I'd like to join the akatsuki." He said.

3.2.1..

"HAHAHAHA!" The Akatsuki chorused.

"Please. A pretty boy like you? NO FUCKIN' WAY!" Kisame said, between giggles.

"I'll have you know that I was raised by demons and learned the secret of all elements from them." Nero said, looking serious.

"Prove it. Prove it and you can join." Leader said.

Without a word, Nero froze Kisame from toe to head in sparkling ice. Everyone was silent.

"So... when can you start?" Leader asked, a hint, the_ tiniest _hint of fear in his eyes.

Dave

After complaints from Kisame and a hell of a lot of screaming, all of us sat down in front of Nero.

"So why did you really join the Akatsuki. Nobody just joins the Akatsuki." Leader asked.

"Ok. About a million demons are about to start a war with me and I need help." Nero said, calmly.

"OH MY GOD!" Leader said.

**OMITTED BY THE PROTECTION OF KIDS EARS FUNDED BY KONAN AND LILY**

"So, we have to 2 years to prepare?" Leader said, still curled in a ball from the wrath of Konan.

"Yep." Nero said, Also curled in a ball.

"Oh god. So much paper." I cried.

"Well I suppose everyone should train for this. Any volunteers to train first?" Leader asked. No one moved.

" I guess it's Konan and I." He walked with Konan, Mumbling something like "So hard to find good S-ranked criminals."

I went to the kitchen to go get some bagels and found Nero.

"Oh hello... Dave." He said, not looking back.

"Erm.. hi."

" I see you come from the Earthrealm." He said.

"Sure."

"They take everything for granted."

"Ok.. so what food are you looking for?"

"You got any turkey?" I grabbed a bag of honey turkey.

"Here." I said.

He took the bag graciously and went to his room with a mummer of "thanks"

Rosie

The new guy was hot. But I didn't tell him. I didn't wanna seem like a** Creeper**. HAHAHA! Yea I totally pretended I hated him. I was walking down the hall to the kitchen and I bumped into him. We stood there.

"Well.." He said.

"Well what?" I asked.

"Apologize!"

"BITCH!" I said.

"BITCH!"

"BITCH!"

"BITCH!"

This went on for a while until we finally got tired and both walked towards the kitchen. When we got there everyone was eating except for Tobi.

"YAYAYA!" Tobi screamed. "SILENCE!" Tobi said in a deeper voice.

Nero laughed to himself.

"Evil genius trapped in idiots body?" He asked.

"Oh yeah." Kisame said.

"I can seperate them, but it will hurt. Bad." Nero said.

Tobi/Madara ran to Nero. "OH PLEASE DO IT!" He screamed on his knees.

"Okkkk..." Nero said, glint in his eyes. Everyone exchanged a WTF look.

After 30 Minutes of screaming and a lot of O.O's. Tobi came out. And so did a man with spiky hair and red samurai gear.

"Oh god I need a drink." He said. Everybody stared at Nero.

"

Fuckin' showoff." Deidara said.

"Hmmm.. WE SHOULD HAVE A DRINKING PARTY!" I said.

After those words Dave came out of nowhere with eggnog.

"Tobi doesn't drink!" Tobi said, innocently.

"Look at this face. It doesn't give a fuck." I said. "Eggnog? Weak!" Madara said. "Not spiked with VODKA!"

"No, no, no, no."Leader said.

"But why notttt!" I asked, whining.

"Cause I need to have a talk with Nero."

Leader

I was having a bad day. First this prick comes into the akatsuki with tales of demons, second he separates 2 people, then everyone wants a drinking party. Nero followed me into my office.

"So, why'd you call me in here." Nero said, looking bored.

"Well, I wanted to ask why you brought your problem to us." I asked.

"Well that's quite a question, I was under the impression that you thought highly of yourself."

I twitched.

"No, it's just that, of everybody else, you brought yourself to the Akaktsuki." I said.

"Well, I detected a presence from the planet Earth, so I decided to check it out."

"Interesting... do you have any knowledge on who could have sent them here?" I asked.

He thought for a bit. His face showed no sign of emotion.

"No, I'm afraid I don't." He said, without hesitation.

I thought for a moment. Then I decided to let him go.

"Very well, your free to go." I said.

Lily P.o.v

We had just started to drink, when Nero joined. Madara was fucking wasted and stumbling around.

"Nice of you to join us buddy!" Madara said, hugging Nero.

Kisame roared with laughter.

"Hey you're finally coming out of the closet!" Kisame said, bursting out with laughter.

Deidara also laughed, drunk with laughter. Nero proceeded to open a bottle of vodka and smash on the table after he drank it. He repeated this 15 times.

"Hehehe! I'm so happy! Kisame I don't want you like that." Nero said.

Hidan and Kakuzu were standing in the corner talking. Or arguing.

"No, I love Pikachu!" Kakuzu said, dizzy.

"Clearly, Jigglypuff is cuter!" Hidan said, snapping back.

"Pikachu!"

"Jigglypuff!"

"Pikachu!"

"Jigglypuff!"

"Pikachu!"

"Jigglypuff!"

"Shut the fuck up! I wanna get drunk in peace!" I said, opening another bottle.

Itachi, Tobi, Leader, and Konan were the only ones sober. I wanted to get them drunk but I couldn't convince them without losing a limb.I decided to do it next time. Plus Zetsu tried to bite me when I spoke about alcohol.

"God, it feels so good to be out of that idiot." Madara said lying on the floor.

"Kisame, you wanna have sex?" Nero asked.

"I DO!" A drunk Rosie came bursting in and swept Nero off his feet.

"Hey, Kisame. Why are you blue?" I asked.

"Cause' I'm smexy :3." Kisame replied, before fainting, mumbling "Budder!BUDDER!"

Deidara looked at me.

"The 2 of us. Alone." He said advancing on me.

He swept me up fast and darted me to the bedroom.

"FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!" I said before fainting.


	7. Chapter 7:Hangovers and Missions

**A/N: Zup guys. I just got GMOD AND FUCKING STARWARS for my mac and its extremely fun. I realized that I changed Lila's name to Lily. Well oh fucking well. I like Lily better. I'll be updating revenge is sweet soon. Enjoy! After Febuary i'll be sure to update a lot lot more**

** Chapter 7: Hangovers and Missions**

** Dave**

I don't think I told you, but I stayed sober too. Even though I was the fucking one to bring the fucking drinks. God damn it! I woke up, no hangover, but was still pissed. Kisame said I have to stay sober so I could tend the hangovers.

I got up and dressed quickly so I could get this over with. I walked towards Kisame's room and opened the door. He was sitting up and looked pained.

"Hey fish dick." I said.

Kisame clutched his head. "Keep it down!" He said painfully.

"Sorry, sorry." I said, adjusting my voice. "Do you need anything?"

"Some fucking water, toast, and painkillers." Kisame said.

"Coming right up." I said.

I walked to the kitchen and made some toast for Kisame. On my way back I bumped into Kakuzu.

"Water." He whispered.

I walked back to Kisame's room and gave him his stuff. After that I walked to Lily's room to help her.

"Hey Lil, you need something?" I asked, whispering.

"Close the damn blinds!" She hissed, face in her pillow. She thought for a second. "And some water."

I got her stuff and returned it to her.

"What happened with Deidara?" I asked.

Lily's face filled with color. "I don't know." Then she muttered something about death to a blonde.

I walked back kitchen and Deidara was there, along with Itachi, Kakuzu, and Hidan. I joined them at the table making myself some toast.

"So, Dei-

"Don't call me fucking Dei." Deidara interrupted.

"Deidara, what happened with Lily."

Deidara seemed to think for a while. Then he smiled. "I almost got her. She escaped me though. She was sober enough to kick me in the balls."

I laughed.

"So are you sure we had fucking sex?" A voice said.

Rosie walked in alongside Nero.

" Yes. You knocked me out and raped me!" Nero said.

"Yesss! My first rape." Rosie said quietly.

Everybody looked up.

"You banged Rosie?" Hidan said with anger.

"Holy shit, un!" Deidara said.

Kakuzu was in shock.

"Oh, wow. Why do you have to go fucking the new guy?" I said.

Hidan stood with anger silently, fuming.

"Cause' I can." She said simply.

This basically spread through the whole akatsuki. Everybody responded with answers like "Nero fucked Rosie?" or "Rosie fucked Nero?"

That was until Leader got wind.

"Nero." He said.

"Yes?"

"*_*"

"Yes, Leader?"

"My office, now."

Nero followed him. After several minutes, all you could hear were shouts of pain.

"Let's watch some T.V. At the lowest fucking volume." Kisame said.

Hidan was still standing in the same place he was 20 minutes ago.

**Lily**

It had been 3 days since the whole mess and the Akatsuki pretty much got over it. Hidan was in his room for **three straight days**.

"Someone should go get him, un." Deidara said.

Everybody was sitting on the couch with an exception of Zetsu, Konan, and Leader.

"Not me." Rosie said.

"Itachi, you go do it." Kisame said.

"Give me one good reason to go do it." Itachi said, menacingly.

"Uh, never mind."

"Hn." Itachi said, returning to his book.

"Kakuzu, you go do it!" Tobi said.

"Hell no! I don't even like the bastard!" Kakuzu said, looking up from his stack of money.

"Your his partner. Go do it, un, and stop acting like a pussy!" Deidara said.

Kakuzu grumbled about "Stupid blondes" and went to Hidan's room.

He returned and said "He's been doing rituals. There is blood all our room." He waited "Wait, our room."

Kakuzu dashed back to Hidan's room.

"MOTHERFUCKER! CLEAN UP THIS SHIT, IT COSTS MONEY!" Kakuzu yelled.

"YOU CHEAP BASTARD LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!" Hidan replied.

There were grunts and snaps and Hidan yelled "FINE, FINE JUST GET THE FUCK OUT YOU CHEAP COCK!"

Kakuzu walked back in the room with blood on his mask.

"Fuck dammit he's annoying." He said.

"I guess that more or less solved the problem." Kisame said.

Hidan walked in covered in blood.

"Someone's jealous." Madara said, smirking.

"Make like Itachi and shut the fuck up." Hidan replied back, grabbing a soda from the fridge.

Itachi glared at the mention of his name and Hidan winced. Hidan raised his hands up in a sign of surrender.

Leader walked into the room.

"Meeting. NOW." He said.

"It's our break time." Hidan whined.

"Why are you covered in blood- you know what, never mind, don't tell me. This is the shit I am talking about. You criminals used to be hard workers. I'm sending you all on missions." Leader said.

"But-" Kisame started.

"No fucking butts." Leader said.

Everyone snickered.

"Dave will go with Itachi and Kisame, Rosie will go with Deidara and Tobi, Lily will go with Kakuzu and Hidan, and I will go with Nero. Konan will stay here with Zetsu and Madara and defend the hideout." Leader said.

XxxxxxxXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxxx xxxxX

Lily(Yay I get 2!)

Traveling with Kakuzu and Hidan sucks ass. Right now they were in a conversation about if money or religion rules the world.

"With money, your dumbass god gets praised because money was spent on that rosary you wear and that scythe you wield." Kakuzu said.

"BITCH! With my god wars were created and that caused ninja's to invade countries and loot them and gain money. Now who's the dumbass you old fuck?" Hidan lashed back.

"You still because that makes no sense."

"Just like your mom!"

"Will you shut the fuck up! Like 3 year olds." I said.

"3 year olds that can beat your ass!" Hidan said, rounding on me.

We traveled in silence

We were traveling through the forest and the sun was out high in the sky. The sun shot down directly on my face and made me flinch and squint in pain. I was sweating from walking for 2 hours with nothing to do. I started to slow down a bit, clutching my side.

"Hey, hurry up slut!" Hidan yelled back at me.

I responded by giving him the finger but ran to catch up holding my side. I was getting really tired and didn't really notice anything until I ran into Hidan.

"Hey! Watch out." He said

We were in a village, right in front of a hotel. The village was like any other village, buildings all around, people going to various activities, and vendors all around. We stepped into the hotel and felt the cool air touch us.

Inside there was a perky ninja on the counter, ready to book a room.

"Room for 3." Kakuzu said gruffly.

Kakuzu leaned in as if he were telling her a secret and her eyes widened.

"H-here's your key." She said, trembling with fear as she handing him the room key

"Pleasure doing business." Kakuzu said to her as we went up to our room.

XxXxxxxXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxxx xxxxX

Rosie

Deidara's idea of travel is not on foot. No, his idea of traveling is on clay bird. Now I'm not afraid of flying, but at the height you are on a bird with no seatbelts and a homicidal/suicidal bomber as a pilot, I was fucking terrified.

"Deidara your going to fucking kill us!" I shouted over the wind to the blonde maniac.

He was doing turns and twists and I was hanging on to Tobi for dear life.

"Relaxxxx Rose-Sempai! It's fun, watch!" He said.

He picked me up bridal style in one swift motion, and then with a great leap he jumped off the bird. The wind whipped in my face as we free-fell at great speeds. We were going to die because of fucking Tobi and I am to fucking pretty to die!

Then Deidara came under us with the bird and I landed on it on my back very hard.

"TOBI YOU FUCKING IDIOT!" Deidara yelled and was about to beat the shit out of Tobi, but I beat him to it.

I brought out my Superfuckingultraextremlypro babal yonherperiodmadRosie on his ass and knocked him off the bird. As he spun and tumbled to the ground, neither me or Deidara decided to help him out.

Shortly we arrived at a cliff that overlooked a giant chasm with a amazing water fall. Tobi met us there, unscathed.

"Rose-Sempai is a meanie!" Tobi said, similar to a 5 year old.

"Tobi-Chan needs to get over the bullshit!" I said

"Will both of you shut the fuck up, un!" Deidara hissed, exasperated, but it was too late.

In that chasm of water it seems I did not see the giant three tailed turtle.

"Uhh.. Deidara, maybe we should run." I said backing up

Deidara just smiled sadistically "Nonsense, that's our mission target!"

And then the Turtle went ballisticrazy.

**A/N: Hey guys, imma try to update more and my revenge is sweet is already in progress. School all that shit. If you like Akatsuki stories read How are we still alive? That relly inspires me! Thanks SexyPeopleWhoReadThis**

**#Thekiss! (WitchandWizard)**


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